the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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