Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
