I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
