Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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