as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
