so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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