piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
