One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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