About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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