Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
