i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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