Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
