thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
