i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
