Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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