there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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