I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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