i just wanna soil my oats bro
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize