Tell her she can't have a vagina
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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