moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
