Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
