from now on my penis is your penis
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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