Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
