THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
