go do what you do best...puke behind churches
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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