i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
