I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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