My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
