He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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