He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
