shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
