she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
