you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
