So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
mondays should just be called national damage control day
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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