Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
