Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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