I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Drake has all the answers
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
