i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
