good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Randomize
