Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
