i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
