My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
