The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
