Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
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Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
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This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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