apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
