the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize