is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
