there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
