The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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