i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
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I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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