Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
