Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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