i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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