You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
