He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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