She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
