Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
