I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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