So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
