pop tarts are not kleenex
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You don't make any sense
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