i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
