..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
