My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
