I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
