I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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