Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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