I don't usually arrange sex via text message
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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