I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
