It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
