I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
