I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
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We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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