broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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