I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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