I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
