Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
