White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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