Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
